Countdown to Conclusion: Part 1

It’s official: I can now count the number of days until I go home on my fingers. Unfortunately, I still have to enlist the help of my toes to count the assignments I still have due! The number declines with each hour I spend at the library, which is great, but I wish that I had that extra time to spend with my friends, instead of the stacks.

The most stressful things standing in my way of going home are not the papers I have due, I’m used to those—it’s the presentations.

I have this irrational fear of public speaking. It’s not irrational just because it’s not that big of a deal, and I better get used to it, but mainly because I act. I’ve been in dozens of plays. I’m well acquainted with the stage. I don’t get nervous before those except for the very minute before—while I’m waiting behind the curtain listening for my cue.

There are no curtains here. There are no lines to memorize. Perhaps that’s why it’s so scary. I have to wing it.

My French oral is terrifying mostly because I just can’t speak in other languages. I understand them, and I can write them, but I clam up when I’m told to speak it. Even in class, when I know that I know the answer, as soon as I am called on, I freeze. Eventually I’m able to utter the correct words, but they never sound right.

I’m nervous for my E&D presentation because it’s in an auditorium. With a podium. And a stage. Now that I think about it, actually, I’m probably so scared of this because I have to present my own work. Defend it. Admit that it could be better.

I took this section of E&D so that my writing would grow, so my class could workshop it, but when it comes down to it, it’s pretty ego damaging. In a good way, though. I appreciate it once its over. It’s the leading up to it that worries me.

I’m not going to stay in this mindset, though. It’s not helpful! Instead, I’m going to look myself in the mirror and talk in French about what I do to help the environment. I’m going to look myself in the mirror and talk about what makes characters bad or good. And then I’m going to look at my professor, and my peers, and do it all over again.

When I write it out, it’s not so bad, actually. I may even be excited.

24 April 2012

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